As one who does not run in gum-chewing circles, I was unaware of this quietly raging debate: does gum chewing improve cognitive functioning? The question appears in the professional literature as far back as 1940. More recently, the gum industry (hereafter referred to as Big Gum) has done their best to evangelize the cognitive benefits of fruitless mastication. Other researchers find that hard to swallow.

In what seems to be the ongoing Young Curmudgeon series, I explain why I can no longer maintain my American Psychological Association membership without losing self-respect. The APA seems more interested in getting your mind right – even if that means silencing debate – than offering practical resources to a lowly clinician like myself. Their recent stance on global warming, as outlined in USA Today, is the last straw for this little shrink. The APA is out to change your behavior whether you like it or not. They are, like, more smarter than you and stuff.