Hello! I’m French and I like reading your funny and interesting papers on this site. I have a question. What do you mean exactly when you use the word “mind?” Intelligence, brain, thought, or the “mind” found in the mind-body dichotomy? – François Delahaye
Dear Francois,
A mind is a terrible thing to embrace. They can cause such pain.
Sure, minds have given us cathedrals, missions to Mars, and candy corn, but what have they given us lately? Anxiety, depression, guilt, insecurity, loneliness… The nerve.
Each mind seems to have a mind of its own. We get to control bits and pieces of our minds, like where we place our attention, but there are other parts that are beyond control. The mind gives us plenty of thoughts and emotions that we never requested.
Call it stream of consciousness, internal dialog, or monkey mind. Everyone, as far as I know, experiences an endless stream of chatter and emotion from the mind. These things are not always helpful. Sometimes, the mind’s messages can be downright painful.
In these three entries, I will try to pin down a useful definition of the mind. We’ll begin with the mind’s most important job, as I have come to view it. In Part 2 we’ll examine the mind’s constant, unbidden messages, and in Part 3 we will explore the odd conundrum of controlling an unruly mind.
I am sure that someone out there is protesting already. The greatest thinkers in history have tackled this problem and you intend to solve it on a website? Hubris! I hope you will discuss the naturalistic and mentalistic approaches? What about the mind-body problem? Surely you will discuss Immanuel Kant’s synthesis of rationalism and empiricism?
I’ll save those questions for my next dissertation. As a clinician, I am interested in application as much as theory. Let’s set aside lumbering questions like the nature of thought, or the philosophy behind language and consciousness (for a sample, see Wiley, 2006). While interesting, those questions are unavailing in my line of work. Every day, I hear from people whose minds torment them with thoughts and feelings which they never asked for and they are looking for answers.
It seems counterintuitive at first, but those unwanted cognitions are almost always the mind’s way of staying safe. Practically speaking, the mind is a worry machine designed to keep you out of harm’s way. Each time you don’t step in front of a speeding bus, you can thank your mind. Each time you avoid a dark alley, thank your mind. Each time you freeze in front of an audience, depriving the world of your brilliant eloquence, thank your mind. It is only trying to help.
Primitive Minds
Minds seem to have split personalities. Sometimes they are well-behaved. We tell them to solve an equation or help us avoid Grandma’s holiday fruitcake and,voila, they give us the answer.
Other times, the mind is like a bad haircut. You simply can’t do a thing with it. If you have ever had a song stuck in your head, you know the torment of the headstrong, exasperating mind. The more you try to suppress the song, the more your mind sings at you with glee. (As the parent of a toddler, my mind bombards me with the kiddie tunes I must endure in the car. If ever you need to know where Goosey Goosey Gander wandered, just ask me.)
If only the mind’s insolence was confined to annoying music. For real torment, the mind likes to recall our deepest insecurities at the most inconvenient times. Consider someone whose fear of rejection is undetectable when she is safe among friends, but send her on a date and suddenly she is tongue-tied and goofy with anxiety. Thanks, mind!
Minds often achieve the opposite of that which they most crave. The person who yearns for respect may be so demanding of it that he drives others to impudence. Someone who longs for companionship may push others away through their desperation. Sometimes the mind can behave like a magnet with its poles reversed – attracting what it should avoid and repelling what it craves.
Ironic torment is just one of the mind’s specialties. Add to it the endless chatter. Each mind seems to come with its own 24-hour broadcast system. It yammers endlessly about the self, others, and the way things ought to be. Unfortunately, it suffers the grave defect of inaccuracy and it can be terribly misleading. According to one researcher who examined the ubiquitous experience of inner dialogue,
“…the inner voice often makes the matter plainly worse by grossly misinterpreting what is going on. This capacity of the inner voice to produce self-delusion is surely one of the more fascinating aspects of human psychology” (Fields, 2002).
In other words, the mind’s messages don’t necessarily reflect reality. One of the most important things to remember about a human mind with all of its chatter is that thoughts are not facts. That is so important that it deserves its own paragraph:
Thoughts are not facts.
Consider our friend who gets anxious on a date. While her Prince Charming is sitting across the table, it may feel absolutely factual that she will be unable to recover if he rejects her. As the evening progresses, the tension will mount. Her mind will give her butterflies in her stomach, a pain in her neck, and an endless stream of thoughts: did I smear my lipstick? Is my bra showing? Oh my god, what if he finds out about my crazy mother?
For her, those internal experiences are an indirect expression of the mind’s fear of loneliness. She may lack the words to express her mind’s ultimate fear of excommunication, but she will be painfully aware of the pit stains forming on her dress.
From a distance (because our romantic lives aren’t on the line) we can judge that she will surely survive without him. The fact is, she will be no worse off than before his rejection. But try convincing her mind of that. Good luck. The mind is interested in survival, not facts.
If the mind equates acceptance with survival – and the mind often makes that type of connection – no amount of logic will convince it otherwise. Even if we know that our thoughts don’t match the facts, the mind will chatter on, especially when it believes that something important is at stake. No matter how we try to outmaneuver the mind, it can always find evidence in its favor.
Our primal minds (my pet term for those parts of the mind most concerned with safety) are frequently pitted against our higher selves: I know my thoughts are not true but I feel compelled to act as if they are. That is one of the most interesting and frustrating things about owning a mind. Thoughts and feelings can feel so true, so weighty and important, that they seem able to prevent us from doing what we want.
It is no wonder I hear so many people say “I want my mind to go away.” Entire movements have been built around the idea of silencing the chattering mind.
Personally, I have no interest in silencing my mind. It will be silent soon enough, and permanently. I’ll admit, though, it does get noisy. Let’s look at one of the mind’s favorite pastimes: worry.
Your Mind: Worrying About You Since the Paleolithic Era
Don’t worry, be happy.
That advice sounds lovely, but what a quandary! If you have something to be worried about (and sometimes even if you don’t), serenity is not as simple as closing the worry spout. Most attempts to stop worrying actually increase anxiety. Telling yourself not to experience anxiety is like telling yourself not to think of a monkey.*
(Oh, sure, you may be able to distract yourself from the thought of a monkey by counting, or singing, or pursuing some other distraction, but deep down you will know why you are counting or singing: to avoid the thought of monkeys. Now you are not merely thinking of a monkey, but imaginary monkeys are making you do things.)
You may have been taught, like so many of us, that the only normal mind is a happy and relaxed mind. Nonsense. It is not the mind’s job to be on perpetual vacation. Its job is to keep you alive and connected to others, and that involves a good deal of fretting. Never mind the obvious threats like starvation or stepping in front of a bus (the type of protection at which the mind excels). There are more subtle threats that the primal mind must confront every day.
Consider social relationships, one of the primal mind’s biggest concerns. For puny humans, lacking fangs and fur, few things are more dangerous than being kicked out of the group. In ye olden Paleolithic time, when human circuitry was evolving and the primal mind was in full bloom, banishment could mean death. You may have a 20th century lifestyle, but that mind of yours carries some very old wiring. (We’ll come back to that in Part 2.)
To the mind, human connection is a matter of survival because the environment demands it. When the mind fears that relationships are going awry, it tends to communicate through inner experiences like anxiety. If instead it spoke in words, a conversation between a person and his mind might sound like this:
Mind: We need to worry about what our boss did today. I think she was sending a message. Our job may be in danger. She may be out to get us.
Person: I don’t want to think about it.
Mind: It’s important. Everything is riding on this job.
Person: You’re being irrational. Don’t think about it.
Mind: Too late. I’m already thinking about it: if we lose our job, it’s back to Mom’s basement for us.
Person: I forbid this thought. Stop it right now. We’re going to think about something else.
Mind: Like what?
Person: How about penguins. They’re cute.
Mind: Fine. Penguins it is. Did you know that they walk hundreds of miles with their babies balanced on their heads? I saw it in a movie.
Person: Are you sure about that?
Mind: Pretty sure. Say, I forgot. Why are we thinking about penguins?
Person: To avoid that other topic.
Mind: Which topic is that?
Person: What our boss did today. Our job may be in danger.
Mind: Gotcha!
Sadly, minds aren’t so transparent, though they are that tenacious. Primal minds don’t rely on words and they are not reasonable in their demands. Instead, they use emotional language: fear, worry, depression, headaches, and the like. But as painful as it may be, the mind’s worrying is useful. It is problem-solving behavior. Worry is the mind’s way of keeping you on-track. The primal mind isn’t about to let you slip up if it can help it. It takes its responsibilities very seriously.
Your mind is so serious about keeping you safe that it is willing to sacrifice happiness just to cover the margins. It doesn’t care if you are unhappy, as long as you are alive.
But don’t be discouraged! There is hope. When we understand the mind’s logic and learn to understand its language, we can learn new ways of responding to it. Check back for Part Two.
-IS
Footnotes
* Imagine that you are strapped to a machine that can detect the faintest signs of worry. Now suppose you are told that if you worry, even a little bit, you will receive a painful electric shock. Your task is simple: don’t worry. As you see yourself being strapped into the machine, don’t worry. As the electrodes are clamped to your head, don’t worry. As you wonder how painful the shock will be, don’t worry.
You can see how worry might spin out of control. Each time you worry and receive a shock, you will become more motivated to avoid worry. Eventually, the merest thought of anxiety will provoke anxiety. It’s quite a trap.
The experience of an anxiety disorder can be every bit as painful as electric shock. As people become increasingly motivated to avoid anxiety, the anxiety tends to get worse because attempting to avoid anxiety becomes increasingly anxiety-provoking, if you follow me. You simply can’t avoid a thought that you’re focused on avoiding. (Adapted from Hayes et al., 1999.) back
References
Field, C. (2002). Why do we talk to ourselves? Journal of Experimental & Theoretical Artificial Intelligence, 14(4), 255-272.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. New York: Guilford.
Wiley, N. (2006). Inner speech as a language: A Saussurean inquiry. Journal for the Theory of Social Behavior, 36(3), 319-341.